Meeting of the Parliament

Meeting date: Tuesday, November 14, 2023

Official Report 925KB pdf

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Children’s Grief Awareness Week

The final item of business is a debate on motion S6M-11114, in the name of Stuart McMillan, on children’s grief awareness week. The debate will be concluded without any question being put. I invite members who wish to speak in the debate to press their request-to-speak buttons.

Motion debated,

That the Parliament notes that 16 to 23 November 2023 is Children’s Grief Awareness Week; understands that more than half of children in Scotland have experienced bereavement of a close family member by the age of eight, according to a study by the Children and Young People’s Centre for Justice (CYCJ) and the University of Strathclyde, which was published in 2020, before the impact of COVID-19 was taken into account; further understands that 62% of children in Scotland have lost a close family member by the age of 10 according to the Childhood Bereavement Network; acknowledges that the theme for 2023 is The Shape of Your Support, with the focus being on the people around a bereaved child or young person, beyond their friends or family, who can be there to support them through their grief; further acknowledges that the key question that is being asked is “Who else can you ask for help or support beyond your friends and family?”; welcomes what it sees as the great work being undertaken in Inverclyde by the Inverclyde Bereavement Network and former Clydeview Academy pupil, Ben Kane, who set up a support group in the school for children who are dealing with bereavement and has held talks with Inverclyde Council about expanding the service to all Inverclyde schools; recognises the work of Child Bereavement UK and its national development coordinator for Scotland in supporting young people when they are dealing with grief, and believes that the efforts of all organisations working in the sector are making a meaningful impact to Scotland’s young people during what it considers to be such a difficult period in their lives.

17:10  

I thank colleagues who have signed my motion and those who will speak in the debate. I am humbled to bring such an important debate to the chamber. As my motion mentions, the Childhood Bereavement Network has informed us that, by the age of 10, 62 per cent of children in Scotland will have lost a close family member. Almost two thirds of children in our primary schools will have lost a mother, father, sibling or grandparent in their young lives. That is a very sobering statistic, but it is one of which we must all be cognisant, because death and bereavement are harsh realities of life.

It is incumbent on us all to do what we can to not only support young people when they are dealing with bereavement, but ensure that they have a level of resilience to help them to deal with any trauma that might befall them in their formative years.

I will move on to my reasons for bringing the debate to the chamber. I have previously spoken here about an incredible person named Ben Kane, and I am pleased to be able to do so again today. Ben, who is a young man from my constituency, set up a bereavement support group in his school, Clydeview academy, after he suffered the loss of a loved one. He received support from Mind Mosaic Child and Family Therapies, a local organisation based in Greenock. His support worker there suggested that it might be of use to him, and others, if he were to start a support group, and that is exactly what Ben did. The support group has now been running for two years.

Although Ben has now left school and is studying politics at the University of Glasgow, with an eye to possibly sitting in one of our seats in the future, several other pupils have kept the group running. To me, that highlights the need for such groups. I understand that it will be difficult for young people who are going through bereavement to contemplate setting up such a group, but, if they do, Clydeview academy in Gourock has set an example for them to follow. Unfortunately, the fact that there will always be more young people who experience grief will ensure that Ben’s group keeps going.

I have thought long and hard about how to approach the debate. I am speaking about death, loss and grief, and no one relishes discussing those subjects. I wanted to find a balance between being respectful of the issue, but also making the most of vital parliamentary time to debate the subject and, I hope, make life even just a bit easier for our young people who are grieving today, tomorrow and in the future. That is why the work of Ben and his fellow pupils to support themselves while supporting others is so important.

According to a study by the Children and Young People’s Centre for Justice and the University of Strathclyde, by the age of eight, more than half of Scottish children will have experienced bereavement through the death of a close family member. That study was published in 2020 and does not capture the effects of the Covid pandemic, so we can all expect that figure to be higher now. As we know, Covid affected our young people very acutely.

Although, so far, I have focused on bereavement, the motion also mentions children’s grief awareness week 2023, which runs between 16 and 23 November.

During the Covid pandemic, children across Scotland—and, indeed, the world—struggled with being locked down in their homes, learning by virtual means and not being able to see their friends. Many of them lost friends or family members at a time when the grieving process would have been so much more challenging for them because they were going through that Covid period.

Being aware and cognisant of children’s grief is even more necessary in a post-Covid world. We know that health services that support children are stretched and that the pandemic has placed lasting strain on our national health service.

That is why the theme of this year’s children’s grief awareness week, “The Shape of Your Support”, is very apt. The focus is on the people around a bereaved child or young person—beyond their friends and family—who can support them through their grief. The key question that is being asked is, “Who else can you ask for help or support beyond your friends and family?” Ben’s support group in his old school answers that question. All of us who are speaking in today’s debate are helping to advance the aims of this year’s theme.

Child Bereavement UK also offers help and support. It has a dedicated phone number, 0800 0288840, and it can offer telephone or face-to-face support for bereaved young people and their parents. Child Bereavement UK helps families to rebuild their lives when a child grieves or dies. The charity supports children and young people up to the age of 25 when someone important to them has died or is not expected to live, and it supports parents and the wider family when a baby or a child of any age dies or is dying.

Child Bereavement UK provides training to professionals in health and social care and in education, as well as to those in the voluntary and corporate sectors, that equips them to provide the best possible care to bereaved families. The charity has set up 11 regional bereavement networks for professionals across Scotland who work in the statutory and third sectors, as well as for businesses that support people with bereavement. The networks are also open to campaigners and activists, and the voice of lived experience is crucial in them.

Sean Humphreys, the Child Bereavement UK national development co-ordinator for Scotland, is responsible for the facilitation and development of the networks. He is looking to establish further networks in Argyll and Bute and in the Borders to ensure that all parts of the country are covered, and he is keen to hear from anyone who wants to be part of the existing or new networks. I ask anyone living in those areas who is interested in helping to set up a network to please contact my office so that I can put them in contact with Sean.

On 5 December, all members of the networks are invited to join together for a national network event and training day. The theme will be how services have adapted to meet changing needs, as how we grieve has changed over recent years. It will take into account Covid-19 and the associated restrictions, as well as the cost of living crisis.

In 2022, “Growing Up Grieving: The National Childhood Bereavement Project Final Report” was published and submitted to the Scottish Government. Earlier this year, I asked the Scottish Government when it would respond to the recommendations in the report, which include the need to

“Embed commitments to improving support for bereaved children and young people into wider national priorities ... Promote greater awareness of children and young people experiencing grief”

and

“Establish a national secretariat for childhood bereavement”.

I ask the minister to provide an update on when the Scottish Government will respond to all the recommendations in the report.

I thank the Church of Scotland for its communication about the book that the Rev Fiona Gardner has written, “Love Songs for Healing and Hope”, the proceeds from which will be donated to two Christian charities that help people, including young people, to deal with grief: Quiet Waters and Richmond’s Hope.

Before closing, I will return to the work that is being undertaken in my constituency. Ben Kane has arranged for the Inverclyde bereavement network’s next regular meeting to take place this Friday, to coincide with children’s grief awareness week. The meeting will specifically focus on bereavement from a young person’s perspective. Ben has already taken on board the recommendations in the “Growing Up Grieving” report. He asked me to conclude my speech by saying that Inverclyde has come together around this cause, and he calls on all local authorities to do so. He is extremely proud of the unity and the collective local effort, and I very much agree with him on that. I say well done to everyone in Inverclyde for making a difference by supporting our young people to deal with grief and bereavement.

17:19  

I thank Stuart McMillan for a very moving speech. Debating this subject is an excellent use of our time.

As we all know, grief is a fact of life. Sometimes, it is an event that is anticipated, perhaps because of illness, but, more often than not, it is unexpected or unforeseen. The events of the past couple of years have brought that into sharp focus for many of us. Grief impacts us all. It has an impact on adults, but it can have more of an impact on children.

I know from my experience, having lost all my grandparents before I left high school, and even my father shortly after, that grief affects people in very different ways. Loss at such an early age can be as confusing as it is unsettling.

I pay tribute to the Childhood Bereavement Network for the fantastic work that it does to support children at one of the most difficult points in their lives. I was struck by one particular phrase that comes up regularly in the Childhood Bereavement Network resource pack, which talks about creating “compassionate communities”. I will base my contribution around that phrase.

As Stuart McMillan did, I highlight the great work that is being done in Inverclyde, which is leading the way when it comes to creating that compassionate community. In fact, according to the Public Health Palliative Care International organisation, Inverclyde is the first place in Scotland to be included on the list of compassionate cities, with the only other place in the world being Taipei. That is not just because we have amazing organisations that support people, such as Cruse Bereavement Support, the National Childhood Bereavement Network or, even more locally, Compassionate Inverclyde, which does great work through the local hospice; it is because of individuals such as Ben Kane who have suffered great loss and have taken action.

Ben Kane’s ambition of creating support groups for young people in schools right across Scotland is not just an incredible ambition; it is a realistic one. It is important that we do that, given the statistic from the study that Stuart McMillan mentioned that more than half of children in Scotland will have experienced bereavement of a close family member by the age of eight. That really struck me—I was not aware of it until I read that report. The study was done before Covid, so the number could well have changed since then.

Children who experience bereavement at such a young age can be more vulnerable to risks later in life. It is not just about the loss of time at school during an event. At one end of the spectrum, the experience can lead to underachievement at school but, more worryingly, at the other end of the spectrum, it can lead to depression, prolonged grief disorder, self-harm and, in some cases, sadly, even suicide. Statistically, children who are born into low-income families are five times more likely to lose a parent by the age of 10 than children who are born into wealthier families. The risk of losing a brother or sister at a young age is four times higher in the lowest-income families than in higher-income families.

That perhaps comes as no surprise to those of us in the chamber who have talked about these issues before. We talk regularly in the chamber about issues around drug and alcohol-related deaths, suicide, mental health, ill health and comorbidity, and we know that certain communities rank much higher in those sad lists. Sadly, Inverclyde is one of those.

On a positive note, the survey brought to the fore clear recommendations that we should take on board, and I look forward to hearing the minister’s response to those. In the brief time that I have, I will mention the three that most struck me. One is that young people would benefit greatly from more death and grief literacy in the education curriculum. By that, I mean that we should talk about death and grief in the right way in schools more often, because the issue is still a taboo in many schools and it is still too difficult to talk about for too many.

Secondly, we need to develop the stronger informal networks that Stuart McMillan talked about, involving not just parents and teachers but peers and children supporting each other. Finally, I draw to the minister’s attention the fact that grief-related services in Scotland are too often developed by adults for children and are not based on the real-life experiences of children themselves or how their tragedies and losses can help to shape the future services for other young people. To me, that is at the heart of compassionate communities, and I hope that it is what lies at the heart of this debate.

17:24  

I thank my colleague Stuart McMillan for bringing this important debate to the chamber. I also thank Jamie Greene for his really interesting speech.

The motion states that

“more than half of children in Scotland have experienced bereavement of a close family member by the age of eight”

and that

“62% of children in Scotland have lost a close family member by the age of 10”.

Like Jamie Greene, I was surprised and shocked by those statistics. The figures were published by the Children and Young People’s Centre for Justice in 2020, before the impact of Covid was known, so the figures may be even higher now, sadly.

We know that bereavement and loss contribute to trauma and are counted as an adverse childhood experience. The Childhood Bereavement Network has done amazing work on the subject. The theme for 2023 is “The Shape of Your Support”. Support for grieving children may come from those outside the family, as the wider family will, in all likelihood, be grieving themselves and may not be the best people for young people to turn to at an incredibly sensitive and sad time.

I was interested and encouraged to hear about the initiative by the Inverclyde bereavement network and former Clydeview academy pupil Ben Kane, who set up a support group in the school for children who are dealing with bereavement. Ben has shown incredible maturity and courage in setting that up. As Stuart McMillan explained, he has held talks with Inverclyde Council about expanding the service to all Inverclyde schools.

I hope that the initiative can go beyond Inverclyde and help grieving children in East Dunbartonshire and my constituency of Strathkelvin and Bearsden—and, indeed, throughout all areas of Scotland. We have wonderful voluntary and third sector support networks in my constituency, and I am sure that the service is something that would be welcomed. Indeed, Child Bereavement UK and its national development co-ordinator for Scotland believe that working together could make a meaningful impact to Scotland’s young people during what it considers to be such a difficult period in their lives.

We should remember, too, that bereavement often involves the death of a pet, which can be very traumatic for children and adults alike, and sensitive support and counselling should always be available for people going through that experience.

Depending on the age of a child, grief will be felt in a multitude of ways, and the Childhood Bereavement Network can provide professional and caring support in every case. Its excellent website is a source of valuable information and is well worth a visit for anyone who is struggling to cope or support a young person.

I cannot help but think about the children of Gaza and Israel at this time of terrible conflict in the middle east. I know that I will not be alone in dreading watching and reading about the suffering of babies and children in that desperate war zone. Those children are frightened and confused, unable to comprehend why they have lost their mums, dads and siblings in such a sudden, violent and incomprehensible way. They face a lifetime of trauma, and I hope with all my heart that support is there for them to help them to heal. Their grief puts all our problems into perspective.

I commend the Childhood Bereavement Network, Child Bereavement UK and, indeed, young Ben Kane for all the work that they are doing to support young people experiencing grief. Grief is a part of life for everyone, young and old, and I am heartened to see the focus on support and understanding—something that, in the past, was in short supply. I look forward to hearing speeches from across the chamber.

17:27  

It is a pleasure to follow Rona Mackay in this members’ business debate.

I can only echo what was said in Stuart McMillan’s very powerful speech about the issue that we are addressing this evening. Technically, children’s grief awareness week starts tomorrow, on 16 November, and runs through to next week. I thank the Childhood Bereavement Network for its work on grief awareness week and on bereavement. As the title of this awareness week suggests, we are talking about grief and how young people deal with it.

We have heard the very powerful example of Ben Kane setting up the support group, and we have heard the statistics. In 2019, interestingly, the network focused on young people who were “Lost for Words”. The way that the awareness week has progressed over the years shows us a route through grief that it would be helpful for all people both to understand and remember.

In 2020, the theme was “Say the Words”, which referred to that most powerful moment when anybody, but particularly young people, can move from the internal language of grief to expressing something externally. Sometimes young people, particularly very young people, do not have the words. However, when they can say the words, it can lead to behavioural change. People with understanding, training and, indeed, empathy can see a young person’s behaviour and know that it is not an attempt to be malicious but is—this is a phrase that we have heard frequently in this chamber—a cry for help, and one that comes from somewhere deep inside.

In 2021, the network created a word cloud of the thoughts and internal feelings that young people have about grief, which can be difficult to express. In 2022, it introduced the sharing shapes project, which has returned this year. If people go to the website, they can see the mosaic that was created from the shapes last year. I am sure that the shapes in this year’s project will be incredibly powerful too.

That project speaks to the very individual nature of the grief that people suffer, which we have heard about, and—most importantly—to the support that stands around the young people. That support may come from family, who may be suffering from grief themselves, or it may come from friends. Those friends may face a challenge in understanding why their best friend or a friend in their group is behaving as they are, but, in those situations, the innate empathy of our young people comes through. Support also comes from the charities that work around our young people, from the professionals who stand around them and from the wider community. It would sometimes be helpful for people to remember that, while they may not understand what is going on in an individual’s life, they can still be kind and still care, and they can still ask the person whether they are all right.

In the short time that I have, I will mention two groups that work with bereavement. One is the Midlothian Young People’s Advice Service, which was founded back in 1999. The charity has grown, but it originally came from the local community. It now works in a whole range of diverse areas to support young people, particularly in East Lothian schools, where it offers counselling. I have seen a huge amount of work done there with regard to bereavement and grief. As I said, sometimes children do not have the words to express their grief but the feelings are inside. It might not be a quick solution, but I have seen the way in which bereavement counsellors have worked, sometimes for many months, to allow a young person to get into a space where, although the grief does not vanish, they can build a wall around it, just like the shape that was chosen and shared. That can put it into proportion in relation to other events in their lives, and it can make it easier to understand.

I also want to mention Barnardo’s Scotland, which does a huge amount of work with regard to grief and bereavement, supporting not just the young members of our community but communities across Scotland and the UK.

Finally, I once again compliment the network on the children’s grief awareness week initiative, which starts tomorrow. The shape of our support is shown in part by what we do here this evening.

17:32  

I thank all those members who have taken part in the debate; we have heard some really thoughtful speeches this evening. I also thank Stuart McMillan for lodging this important motion to recognise children’s grief awareness week.

I believe whole-heartedly that, where children have suffered trauma and loss, they deserve appropriate support. We know through research that bereavement during childhood can have significant and long-lasting effects on emotional, psychological and social wellbeing. Key impacts include struggling to understand and process emotions, leading to potential long-term issues.

Childhood is a critical period for development, and the loss of a loved one can disrupt a child’s developmental trajectory. It can affect their ability to form secure attachments, develop a sense of identity and navigate relationships with others. They may experience difficulties in school as a result of emotional distress, they may have trouble concentrating and experience a decline in academic performance, and they may have difficulty interacting with peers and teachers.

The loss of a loved one can lead to social isolation and withdrawal, with children struggling to engage in social activities, form new friendships and maintain existing relationships. That can further exacerbate those feelings of loneliness and grief. Childhood bereavement has also been linked to a higher risk of mental health issues in adulthood, and research concludes that it is crucial to provide timely, appropriate support and interventions to mitigate those possible long-term impacts.

I assure members that I take this subject very seriously. I was two years old when I lost my dad and, at that time, there was very little support available for me or for my mum. We need to remember that support is also really important for those around the child; Martin Whitfield and Jamie Greene picked up on that specifically. I want to highlight, in particular, that support is not a one-stop shop. Support for me at two years old would have been helpful, but there are numerous points in a child’s life, following such an experience, when support could be required. I know that, as a child growing up, it is extremely hard to deal with the loss of a parent. That includes having to deal with questions from peers in school, the stigma—which there was for me—that comes with the death of a parent, and not having a clear understanding of why this has happened and why you are the one who has lost a parent. It is hard and, honestly, the lack of support that I received still impacts on me to this day.

I therefore express my gratitude and appreciation for the bereavement support services that we have in Scotland today, especially during challenging and unprecedented times such as the Covid-19 pandemic, as Stuart McMillan mentioned. Those services play an invaluable role in providing comfort and guidance to children and their families who have experienced the profound loss of a loved one. I am proud that, since 2016, the children, young people and families early intervention and adult learning and empowering communities fund has provided funding of more than £14 million annually to 115 organisations, including Child Bereavement UK, Richmond’s Hope and Apex Scotland—many of them have been named in the chamber today—that provide much-needed support to children and young people who have suffered a loss through bereavement. I thank members who have highlighted the important work of those vital organisations.

I would also like to thank Ben Kane. As has been highlighted by all members today, Ben’s commitment to raising awareness and increasing support for those who have been impacted by bereavement has been admirable. The support group that Ben set up offers a safe place for people to find comfort in and to talk about their grief. I welcome that important work, and I am sure that many young people have found it extremely helpful.

The Scottish Government recognises that bereavement can affect many aspects of our lives, so it reaches across many different ministerial portfolios. We have therefore set up a cross-policy bereavement network that aims to support a more joined-up approach, be more strategic across existing and planned Government action and provide a single point of access for bereavement partners. That will ensure that there is collective ministerial responsibility to ensure that those who are experiencing bereavement can access the support that they need.

In 2020, we established the national childhood bereavement co-ordinator to look at the range of bereavement services that are available for young people across Scotland. That work was carried out over a two-year period, and a final report with recommendations for improvement was published in September 2022. Following that, the Scottish bereavement summit was held on 13 October, and the final report of the summit, with its 10 recommendations, as has been touched upon, was published in June.

The recommendations were based on those that came from the childhood co-ordinator and four previous bereavement reports. The Scottish Government welcomes those reports and acknowledges the huge amount of work and collaboration that has gone into developing them and the focus that they bring to improving the experience of those who are affected by grief and loss.

I understand that Stuart McMillan and other members are looking for an update on the recommendations in the report. I can confirm that the Minister for Social Care, Mental Wellbeing and Sport has agreed to meet three key bereavement stakeholders on 14 December 2023. In advance of that, the Scottish Government’s cross-policy bereavement network will continue to engage with the bereavement sector as we consider how best to take forward those findings.

As a Government, we will continue to engage with and listen to the bereavement sector. I am clear that we require a collaborative approach to supporting those who have suffered bereavement. I hope that, by sharing my personal experience, members will appreciate that I fully understand the importance of ensuring that that support is available when it is required and my commitment to doing that.

I close by reiterating my thanks to all members for participating in such an important debate and to Stuart McMillan for bringing it to the chamber this evening.

Meeting closed at 17:38.