Official Report 1016KB pdf
The final item of business is a members’ business debate on motion S6M-18847, in the name of Elena Whitham, on bereavement support and awareness. The debate will be concluded without any question being put.
Motion debated,
That the Parliament recognises that everyone in Scotland, including those in Carrick, Cumnock, and Doon Valley, will experience a bereavement, and notes the view that good bereavement support is needed to guide people through what can be a difficult time; understands that frameworks have been put in place by the Scottish and UK governments that set out guidance on how proper bereavement care should be offered across society; notes the 2022 report from the UK Commission on Bereavement, Bereavement is everyone’s business, which provided policy recommendations for the Scottish and UK governments to adopt; understands that a stigma exists surrounding bereavement and its discussion; notes research from Sue Ryder, which suggests that bereavement costs the UK economy an estimated £23 billion each year in lost Gross Value Added, and the UK Treasury an estimated £8 billion in reduced tax revenues; acknowledges the view that this could be improved with better support and care, and notes the belief that a better understanding of grief and bereavement is required by all, particularly among young people.
17:23
I thank the colleagues from across the chamber who signed my motion, securing today’s important debate. Every person in this room will have experienced loss, and how we react to that loss varies from person to person. We are all individuals, and all responses are valid and should be respected accordingly. Today’s debate is about emphasising the importance of strong, compassionate bereavement support at every level of society—support that guides people through one of the most difficult experiences that any of us will face.
This week marks national grief awareness week, which is organised by the wonderfully supportive Good Grief Trust. This year’s theme is “Growing with Grief”, which highlights that, even though the loss of someone marks an end, it can also become the ground from which something new begins. A bereavement changes us as an individual but, with an ear to listen to us and a shoulder to lean on, we have the opportunity to grow into someone new who is shaped by love, memories and resilience. The pain might always remain, but hope eventually returns.
On 11 August 2021, I had just arrived at my mother-in-law’s house in Carlisle, after a weekend out in the camper van with my husband, when my phone rang. I saw that it was my grandpa’s house phone and, when I answered it, I heard the grief in my aunt’s voice as she started to speak. I do not remember this, but apparently I shouted, “No, don’t say it,” as I knew that she was going to tell me that he had died. Even though he was in his 95th year, given how hale and hearty he was, it somehow felt like he would be with us forever. I was wholly unprepared for the visceral grief that overtook me in a whole-body reaction at the loss of that giant among men. He was a teller of tales, the bestower of a solid moral compass and a deep believer in social justice. He helped to make me who I am today. I felt as if my arm was cut off—and maybe a leg, too.
We immediately left for home, and in a very surreal twist, we were caught up in a major accident on the motorway that saw us serving hot drinks from our camper van and letting folk use the loo as kids played kick-about on the deserted tarmac for hours. At the time, being prevented from getting home was indescribable. However, in retrospect, I now see the value and the serendipity of our camper being right where it needed to be in that moment. I know that my grandpa would have wanted me to be a helper in such a crisis. Although I alternated between sobbing—and I mean viscerally sobbing—and helping, I felt him close by.
I therefore want to focus today’s debate on what those in power can do to create a whole-systems approach that fosters a national understanding of grief, supports people through all its stages and enables hope to re-emerge. Earlier this year, I was contacted by L&M Therapeutic Services, whose expert team offers counselling support to my constituents. I am pleased that its representatives were able to make it to the Parliament today to listen to our discussion. They raised with me the lack of easily accessible bereavement support at national and local levels and highlighted the stigma that exists for those who experience grief.
In 2011, following the publication of the “Shaping bereavement care” report, the Scottish Government issued a framework for action for national health service boards to improve their bereavement care. Fourteen years down the line, each health board should now have a well-developed plan and implementation should be well under way.
In 2021, the UK Commission on Bereavement was established to investigate the key issues related to bereavement and to make recommendations on improving support for bereaved people across the UK. Its report suggested that the Scottish Government should adopt a
“cross-departmental bereavement strategy that recognises support following bereavement as a human right”,
paying particular attention to those with protected characteristics and those facing disadvantage. I would welcome the minister’s confirmation that those policies are now in place and an explanation of what further improvements are in train.
Grief can have a devastating impact on our ability to work and to work well. Although I acknowledge that, for some, work can be a welcome distraction, for many of us it feels as though the rest of the world is continuing to turn as our lives are forever changed. In the UK, there is no general statutory right to bereavement leave for employees, except for parents who lose a child aged under 18 or who have had a stillbirth after 24 weeks of pregnancy. For all other situations, employees must rely on their employers’ discretionary compassionate leave policy, take sick leave or use holiday time. That leaves large groups of people with no legal right to paid time off. In turn, it forces people back into the workplace when they simply are not ready.
Bereavement support charity Sue Ryder estimates that bereavement
“costs the UK economy an estimated £23bn a year in lost Gross Value Added (GVA) and costs the UK Treasury an estimated £8bn in reduced tax revenues, increased healthcare costs and income support payments.”
We can translate that to the impact on our devolved income generation and social security payments. Clearly, if we support people through their grief, we can support them back into work and support our economy at the same time. However, care and support alone are not enough. If we want meaningful improvement, we must also confront the stigma that still surrounds grief.
It can be easier to understand someone’s grief when they lose a person who is very close to them, but grief is much more complex than that. People can grieve for many different kinds of relationships, even for those that were complicated, distant or unresolved. Grief does not follow a timetable. In the immediate aftermath of a death, people are consumed with paperwork, funeral arrangements and visitors. Those distractions can delay the emotional impact, causing grief to surface months later and leaving the grieving person adrift without understanding or support from others. That stigma can make them feel that their emotions are somehow less valid, less legitimate or even a nuisance when everybody else has moved on.
We must improve education around death and encourage open, honest conversations about it from a young age. In March this year, I wrote to the Minister for Social Care, Mental Wellbeing and Sport, who confirmed to me that the current curriculum framework includes learning skills and strategies to support children and young people in challenging times, particularly in relation to change and loss. That is welcome, but we need to go further. My neighbouring constituency of Ayr saw Gaby Williamson launch her let’s blether bereavement boxes, following the death of her father. Those boxes contain resources that help children with their grief, and they are available to all primary school pupils in South Ayrshire, which is part of my constituency. That is a fantastic initiative, and I would love to see it replicated everywhere.
Seven minutes is nowhere near enough time to explore a subject as complex and as personal as bereavement, but I will close with this. We need clearer messaging about what support already exists. We need a stronger understanding of where the gaps are and a plan to address them. We need to talk openly about death and dying, creating a culture in which death is not a taboo but a shared human reality. If we do that, we will build a country where everyone is supported through loss, encouraged to grow and able to find hope again.
We move to the open debate.
17:30
I thank Elena Whitham for bringing a debate on this subject to the chamber, and I express to her my admiration for the way in which she insists that we tackle subjects that are extremely difficult to raise, all the time.
As Elena Whitham indicated, bereavement comes along in very different forms and, more importantly, there are different ways in which we deal with it. Inevitably, as we get older, we lose people. There is a circle of life, as she indicated. We usually lose our grandparents first, and older members of our family, and eventually our parents. However, as we age, it is likely that we will lose people—people whom we feel that we should not lose.
I am sorry, Deputy Presiding Officer.
Would the member take an intervention?
Please.
I call Clare Adamson.
Thank you, Deputy Presiding Officer. I had not intended to speak this evening, but listening to Elena Whitham made me think of an organisation in my constituency: the Miracle Foundation. It was founded by Mariam Tariq—who I nominated as my community champion this year—specifically because her family had suffered a bereavement from a tragic accident and she felt that there was no support for the children.
Just a few years later, she is engaging with the NHS and with hospices, and is working really hard. I offer that as another example of the great work that is being done across our constituencies in Scotland.
Thank you. I call Brian Whittle.
Thank you, Deputy Presiding Officer.
It is more than 12 years since we lost Todd Bennett—one of the great indestructibles. I still have his number on my phone, and I still have all his social media and his texts. Earlier this year, I lost somebody really close to me. I still have her number and all her social media and her messages. I have photographs and reminders that pop up in my social media—just when I feel safe, there is that jab in the stomach again.
People say that time is a real healer and that we eventually get over our grief, but I do not think so. To me, when it comes to grief, we actually learn to carry it, and to accommodate it, but it is never away. How we accommodate that grief is, perhaps, what we are discussing, and where the role of bereavement care comes in.
What I really wanted to talk about was the grief of losing a child, especially in childbirth. One of my first-ever constituency cases involved a gentleman by the name of Fraser Morton and his partner, June. They lost Lucas in childbirth. The hospital said that he was stillborn; Fraser and June disagreed. They needed to know that Lucas had been there, even for the briefest of moments, and that they could register him and get a birth certificate.
It was a fight, which included meetings with the Cabinet Secretary for Health and Sport and the chief medical officer, and a Health Improvement Scotland investigation, before it was accepted that there had been a failure of the NHS and that the neonatal unit had been 24 staff short.
A couple of weeks ago, Fraser posted on social media that Lucas would have turned 10. I cannot imagine a loss such as Fraser and June experienced or how it affects you, with no chance that it will ever go away. As Elena Whitham said, bereavement care is supposed to be in place in all NHS boards, but there is evidence, as Fraser Morton’s case suggests, that that is not the case across Scotland.
A couple of weeks ago, as it happens, I spoke to the Sands charity about the lack of bereavement services. My daughter is a midwife, and midwives often do not have the time to deliver the bereavement care that they are trained to provide.
On that point, I have a meeting coming up with Sands, too, and I have also had the pleasure of engaging with the Held In Our Hearts charity, which works with families who have lost young children, had late miscarriages and so on. As Brian Whittle mentioned, that is a really important issue. The charity works with four or five local authorities, but there is an issue in trying to extend that across the whole of Scotland.
The likes of Held In Our Hearts and Sands play an incredible role. I have family members who went through such an experience, so I am glad that Brian Whittle raised that important issue. I am happy to work with him on any such issues that he raises in the future.
I thank the member very much for his intervention. The role of Sands is incredibly important—there is funding through the Scottish Government, and Sands is leading on that in particular.
The Marie Curie briefing for members talked about the right to bereavement support. As Elena Whitham said, that support is supposed to be in place, but we still have quite a bit of work to do on that. I thank Elena Whitham once again for bringing the debate to the chamber and I look forward to hearing what other members have to say.
17:36
I congratulate my colleague on securing this debate on what can be a taboo issue: grief and bereavement, which are two sides of the same coin.
Grief can be immediate; it can be there even when your loved one is still alive, in the last, sometimes painful, days, or even weeks, of life—bereavement can begin even then. Of course, at funerals, memorials, anniversaries, Christmas and new year, grief can be anticipated, but it can pop up even years later; a certain melody, or the scent of a flower and, out of the blue, you are heavy with sadness. These days, those we have lost are immortalised in our social media, and that is also tough.
It is wrong for someone to say, “It’s been nearly a year—you’d think they’d have moved on.” Some do; others do not. Some drink their way out of grief—that does not usually work. Some throw themselves into work or projects. Sometimes that works, but sometimes it is grief deferred. The loss of a child through an accident can bring parents together, but it can also tear a relationship apart. With the suicide of a loved one, there is guilt. There is no script, and no road map that will suit everyone. That is where individual bereavement counselling services come in, and I will refer to two such services.
It was humbling to view the “Lothians speak their name” quilt memorial in Parliament. The quilt was hand-crafted, to remember loved ones who took their own lives, by a group of 49 friends and family members. I heard about how those who helped to create that beautiful memorial found strength in the new community that they had formed. Sitting together chatting, just incidentally, led to starting conversations about the loved one they had lost to suicide and about mental health, their own wellbeing and how to cope—sharing with others in the same boat as themselves. The quilt tours the Lothians, helping to start conversations about mental health and suicide, in the hope that it will help those who have lost a loved one and perhaps also save lives.
Recently, it was my privilege to meet two Borders widows who are members of the Scottish Borders widowed community, which is a peer-to-peer support group that offers long-term compassionate support to men and women across the Borders who have lost a partner. As the only group of its kind in the region, it provides a much-needed space for people to connect with others who truly understand what it means to be widowed. The group meets monthly in person in Galashiels, with on-going private online support available at any time, including on difficult days such as anniversaries or in those moments of grief that arise quite unexpectedly.
Members also organise social activities such as walks, cinema outings and coffee meet-ups—simple but powerful opportunities to find connection and presence amid profound loss. The group is entirely volunteer run, and all members of the team are themselves widowed. Over the past three years, the group has grown to nearly 480 members, offering a lifeline to many who are facing isolation and continual heartbreak. Its approach is centred on providing sustained support over the long term, not just in the immediate aftermath of bereavement.
One of the group’s aims is to encourage more open conversations about death, not just emotionally but in practical and mental terms, with an emphasis on preparedness and reducing the silence that often surrounds grief and loss. The group’s motto is “Life grows around your grief”. That is a kind and compassionate thought. Although it is a difficult path, with steps forward and many steps back, those organisations and others help to keep folk on a forward path.
17:40
I, too, thank Elena Whitham for bringing this important debate to the chamber. As the motion says, and as other members have noted in their contributions, bereavement is not always an easy subject to discuss, but all of us in the Parliament, and our constituents, will experience some form of bereavement at various times in our life.
Bereavement is a complex and very personal experience. Everyone is different and there is no single way to grieve. We will all know personally, having had our own experiences or from seeing family and friends grieving, that everyone experiences it in their very own way and that people have their own beliefs, rituals and plans to help them to deal with death. However, we also know that people struggle. People experience things that they never imagined they would, and life is not always kind when those moments strike us. Sometimes we are prepared, and sometimes we are utterly unprepared. It is for those reasons, and for many other reasons that members have mentioned, that we need good bereavement support to guide people through what is often a very difficult time.
From my research for the debate, it is clear that people need both practical advice, as other members have mentioned, and on-going emotional support. Registering a death, following the rules for burial and dealing with costs can be both practically very difficult and emotionally draining. The time that follows, grieving in the longer term, is complex for many people. As other members have said, there is no timeframe—people have to deal with bereavement and grief in their own way and in their own time.
We know from the UK Commission on Bereavement’s report, “Bereavement is everyone’s business”, which the motion mentions, that, although we might imagine that people have support networks, the data tells us that the situation is quite different. According to the report, 28 per cent of the adults who responded to the consultation said that they received no support from family and almost 46 per cent said that they did not get support from friends following bereavement. In addition, 61 per cent of the adults who responded said that they had difficulty with at least one practical or administrative task following bereavement. That makes us think: these things will happen, and people need support in place. Finally, more than 40 per cent of the adults who responded said that they had wanted formal bereavement support but did not know how to go about receiving that support.
People find the subject of death so difficult. My own story is that I remember once dropping off my kids at school and going over to another mum to say how sorry I was about the death of her father. In that moment, I could see that she was very upset, and the reason was that people were avoiding her, which was so difficult for her to deal with, on top of all the grief. She really wanted people to recognise her bereavement and to say something about the loss of her father, but clearly so many people were finding it difficult, and their reaction was to walk away and say nothing.
Many of my thoughts in this debate are about how we support people to be a support to their family, friends and colleagues when they are experiencing bereavement and grief. We will all experience the death of a loved one, and it is incumbent on us all to try to support people. I am pleased to see in the update to the report that there has been some positive work across the four nations. That includes looking at how we support people in employment with bereavement policies and how we do work in schools. The Scottish Government has done some work on a palliative care strategy, including bereavement support. There are also the organisations that other members have mentioned. People tell us how important those organisations are and, as a Parliament, we must make a commitment to them.
All the measures that have been mentioned are very welcome, but, as always, more needs to be done. That is why the debate is so important. It is important that we talk about bereavement in order to understand its impact and the profound changes that bereaved people can face in dealing with the practical and emotional consequences. I welcome the debate, and I thank all members in the chamber for contributing to it.
17:45
I thank Elena Whitham for securing this debate on the important issue of bereavement, which will affect everyone at some point in their lives and commands our collective compassion. I also thank colleagues for their speeches, which included profound, deep and meaningful personal reflections.
People can feel particularly vulnerable during bereavement and grief. Grief can affect our physical and mental health, and it is often accompanied by feelings of loneliness, anger, anxiety and sadness. It is important that people know that they are not alone, that it is perfectly normal to have such feelings and that sources of advice and support are available to them.
We want people to feel that they can openly discuss bereavement and its impacts, to remove any stigma surrounding the issue and encourage people to access support if they need it. Given the wide-ranging impacts that bereavement can have, it is important that the public sector works across boundaries and with third sector partners to ensure that the right support is available.
The Scottish Government welcomed the UK Commission on Bereavement’s report in 2022 and the focus that it brought to improving the experience of people who are affected by grief. The report covered a range of issues, which reflects the range of impacts that bereavement can have on different aspects of our wellbeing, and it highlighted instances in which people might particularly benefit from support following a bereavement.
One thing that everyone might benefit from is basic access to advice. That is why coping with bereavement and grief is an important theme in our mind to mind online portal, with advice and videos from a range of individuals describing their experiences. I thank those who contributed. Such resources demonstrate what an intensely personal experience it can be, affecting us all differently, but that range of support and coping strategies can help.
Bereavement support is also an area of focus in our communities mental health and wellbeing fund for adults, in which we have invested £81 million since 2021, with a further £15 million committed next year. The fund supports several grass-roots community projects with a sole focus on supporting those who are experiencing bereavement. Peer support can be invaluable.
The third sector is a key partner in the delivery of support, so I am pleased that Cruse Scotland is one of the beneficiaries of the Scottish Government’s fairer funding initiative, which provides multiyear investment in key front-line support.
Although we will all experience bereavement, it is important to recognise that some instances can be particularly traumatic. As the motion highlights, it is especially important that we support children and young people who experience bereavement. Schools play a key role in supporting children’s mental health and wellbeing, and Education Scotland provides a range of materials and resources that are specifically focused on bereavement to aid teachers in delivering sensitive and effective learning on the topic.
We have provided £16 million a year to deliver our commitment that all children aged 10 and above have access to a school counsellor. More than 2,000 children and young people benefited from the support of a school counsellor to deal with bereavement between April 2024 and March 2025.
Outside of school, since 2016, the Scottish Government has funded Child Bereavement UK to provide support for children and young people who are experiencing bereavement, as well as their families.
The loss of a baby or a child can have a profound impact on parents. I offer my deepest sympathy to anyone who has experienced that.
I agree with what the minister has said about the loss of a baby or a child, and I am pleased to say that we now recognise that there is a lot of grief attached to miscarriages, which used to be talked about as something natural—of course they are not—and that we support people through miscarriages and their grief for their loss.
Christine Grahame makes an important point, which is fully recognised and considered as part of the Government’s policies.
For most parents who have suffered a pregnancy loss, bereavement and grief support will be provided by their health board or by third sector organisations and they will not require specialist services. Our funding for Cruse Scotland and Child Bereavement UK facilitates a range of support, care and advice to families who have been bereaved, including those who have lost a child.
The Scottish Government also funds the baby loss charity Sands, which was referenced earlier, to support NHS boards to implement the national bereavement care pathway for pregnancy and baby loss in Scotland. I am pleased that all 14 NHS boards have signed up to the pathway.
The grief that is experienced by those who lose a loved one to suicide can also be particularly profound. Bereavement support is therefore an important strand of “Creating Hope Together”, which is the joint Scottish Government and Convention of Scottish Local Authorities suicide prevention strategy. We greatly value not just the pilot projects that we have supported in NHS Ayrshire and Arran and NHS Highland but the great work that is being done elsewhere by health and social care partnerships.
Support with prolonged or complicated grief and bereavement is also integral to our new palliative care strategy, which highlights the importance of support and training for staff.
Although the effects of bereavement are most notably felt on a personal level, it is important to acknowledge its wider impacts. In addition to the impact on a person’s wellbeing, bereavement can place a financial burden on them. Our funeral support payment is helping to alleviate the burden of debt that many people face when paying for a funeral and is likely to contribute towards reducing funeral poverty.
The motion rightly points out the impact that bereavement has on the wider economy. We know that workplaces that support and promote good mental health benefit individuals and employers. That includes supporting people who are affected by bereavement. That is why we have worked in partnership with Public Health Scotland to develop a platform for employers that signposts them to a range of mental health and wellbeing resources, including support for employees who are affected by bereavement.
The “Bereavement Charter for Scotland” was launched in 2020 by the Scottish Partnership for Palliative Care. Charter mark status is given to employers who demonstrate that they are working to make their community a place where people who are bereaved feel supported by their employer and people around them.
As we have heard today, bereavement can have a wide-ranging set of impacts on an individual and across society. The Scottish Government remains committed to working with partners to enable a joined-up approach in which people are signposted to advice and support that meets their needs.
Again, I thank members for their speeches and Elena Whitham for securing this important debate.
That concludes the debate.
Meeting closed at 17:53.Air ais
Decision Time